It's Sunday evening.

You open the laptop. You look at your CV, then LinkedIn, then the 3 roles you saved on Friday. You send one more application, close the screen, and tell yourself you did something.

Nothing comes back. It hasn't come back for weeks.

So you start building the reason. It's my age. It's the market. It's my CV. Then, around 2 a.m., comes the one you never say out loud: Maybe I'm not who I thought I was.

I wish someone had told me this when I started watching it happen to good people.

Nobody rejected you.

Most of the people who could help you never knew you were available. They didn't know what you wanted. They never saw proof of what you built.

You weren't turned down. You were never in the room.

The room I sat in

When I led HR, we needed a COO. We ran an advert, applications came in, and we met the candidates. Some had more years behind them than the person we hired. Some had run bigger operations. On paper, they were the stronger pick.

We hired the person who had built a bond with our top leaders.

That bond counted for more than a few skills he wasn't the best at. I won't hide that, because it's how these decisions get made. The reason was trust, and the history behind it.

The people who carry the risk don't only ask who's best. They ask who they believe.

The candidates we passed on weren't weak. They just had no history with us.

You can't out-qualify trust in a portal. But you can build it before the role exists.

Why you stayed quiet

I don't think your silence was weakness. It made sense.

Maybe you're employed, and one wrong signal could cost you your job. Maybe you were let go, and saying it out loud still hurts. Maybe you've spent twenty years as the person everyone calls, and asking for help feels like a step down.

Every one of those reasons is fair. But every one has a price, and the bill never comes in the mail.

It shows up as a silence you can't explain.

Here are the four charges:

1. Nobody can name you

Someone asks, "Who do we know for this?" People can only name someone they understand.

If your old colleagues don't know you're open to a move, they can't say your name. If they don't know what problem you solve best, it's the same story. They don't rate you less. They just don't know.

2. Your profile says nothing

A page that hasn't changed in three years sends no signal. Nobody has a reason to look at it.

When someone finally does, they see you from years ago. Often it's written a few levels below where you work today.

3. Applications feel like progress

Ten sent this week feels like movement. Most of the time, it's just activity.

And every silent reply teaches you the wrong lesson: that the problem is you.

4. The months add up

Nobody talks about this one. Each month without a real conversation makes the next compromise feel easier.

First, you'd never take a role a level down. Then you think about it. Then you're on a call about one.

That's not a flaw in your character. It's what happens when a capable person follows a rule that used to work, long after it stopped.

Quiet doesn't mean invisible

You can protect your job and still be easy to find. You can keep a search private and still be easy to understand. You can be discreet and still be known.

What counts is direction, not volume. Do the right few people know what you do? Do they know what problem you solve? Do they know what you'd take on next?

So try this today. It takes ten minutes, and nobody will see it.

Write down three people who would name you if someone asked, "Who do we know for this?" Not friends. People who have watched you work and would say your name without pausing.

Then ask two questions about each one:

• Do they know I'm open to a move?
• Could they say, in one sentence, what problem I solve best?

If both answers are no, that's not a verdict on your worth.

It's a gap. And a gap can be closed.

What I'm doing about it

On 17, 18 and 19 November, I'm running UNDENIABLE. It's three free live evenings for financial services and fintech leaders who are applying and hearing almost nothing.

We'll cover:

• How senior hiring works now
• Why the silence says nothing about your worth
• What changes when the right people see your proof before they meet you

It's live on Zoom, 7 to 8:30 p.m. Cyprus time, and it's private.

​Save my place​

Anca
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